


Andmoreagain

by darefanny



Series: Andmoreagain [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alpha Tony Stark, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Civil War Fix-It, Empathic Bonds, Established Relationship, Fix-It, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Steve Rogers, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve cries for approximately nineteen hours during this, Team Relationship Counseling, Tony is fed up af, mpreg just at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25823722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darefanny/pseuds/darefanny
Summary: When Steve shows up on his - their - doorstep, silent and his head bowed down, it’s way too soon. Too soon after his betrayal - that’s what Tony calls it, because that’s what it is -, too soon for the anger to have begun to wear, too soon for the wound to have had enough time to start healing. But what is Tony going to do, slam the door shut to the face of the omega he's bonded to, denying him the shelter of their shared home?He should, really, he should, but he can’t.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Andmoreagain [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142177
Comments: 32
Kudos: 395





	Andmoreagain

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I just needed this. The song is Andmoreagain by Love, you can listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfis7-VEYMs) if you want to. 
> 
> \- fanny

_And when you've given all you had  
_ _And everything still turns out  
_ _Bad, and all your secrets are your own  
_ _Then you feel your heart beating  
_ _Thrum-pum-pum-pum  
  
_ _And I'm  
_ _Wrapped in my armor  
_ _But my things are material  
_ _And I'm  
_ _Lost in confusions  
_ _'Cause my things are material  
_ _  
And you don't know how much  
_ _I love you_

  
  
  
  
When Steve shows up on his - their - doorstep, silent and his head bowed down, it’s way too soon. Too soon after his betrayal - that’s what Tony calls it, because that’s what it is -, too soon for the anger to have begun to wear, too soon for the wound to have had enough time to start healing. But what is Tony going to do, slam the door shut to the face of the omega he's bonded to, denying him the shelter of their shared home?  
  
He should, really, he should, but he can’t. So, he tells Steve that he can go back to their old bedroom – Tony hasn’t been able to sleep there since what happened, and he won’t now. He’s inhabited a room from the other side of the mansion and that’s where he’ll stay.  
  
That’s good, Tony thinks, that will work. He can have a clear conscience about not abandoning his omega, and they still won’t ever have to see each other at home.  
  
Because they won’t be. There’ll be no shared meals, no talks, no nothing. He doesn’t want to see Steve, and he tells him that.  
  
It’s obviously not what Steve wished for, but he accepts it. He stays out of Tony’s way.

***

Days go by. It almost works for a while; they really do not see each other at all. For all anyone knows, they might as well be unaware of each other’s presence at all.

Except Tony is aware. He hadn’t realised how much more strongly the bond would affect him with Steve so near. 

The first night he can sense Steve, sense him in their old bed, where they used to make love and whisper things to each other, and he can feel his hopefulness, his longing. Tony forces the bond to mute and buries himself into his projects. The next night is the same. And the next. He tinkers on, bags starting to form under his eyes.

Steve was never easy to handle. Not that Tony has ever seen omegas as something that needed to be handled, but it was just a fact that not many alphas would have tolerated his nature. What kind of an omega got up to an alpha’s face in an argument, challenging him to ”go for a few rounds”? It was beyond imagination, yet that’s exactly what Steve had done. Sure, he’d been influenced by the Scepter like they all had, but Tony had never witnessed anything like it nevertheless.

Later Steve had admitted that a part of him had wanted to test Tony when they’d met, and Tony had laughed, endeared. That was before Steve had actually betrayed his trust out of loyalty to _another alpha._ Before he had very nearly _killed_ Tony.

Tony had always been shoveling the shit life threw at him, all of his life. Then, he had been so happy for a while, but it turned out that Steve too was just more shit for him to shovel. More pain. More hurt. More anger.

More shit.

***

Weeks go by. Tony had hoped that it would become easier, but it doesn’t. He can feel the bond almost constantly, disturbing him, pulling at his heartstrings when he just wants to forget.

He’s sleep-deprived and fed up when they finally manage to bump into each other. The bond has been tormenting Tony again and he’s headed to the main kitchen to find some aspirin, since the one he uses is already depleted of it. But Steve is there, making breakfast, and for a second Tony’s mind takes him to happier days, waking up to the smell of his omega desperately trying to learn how to cook in the hyper modern kitchen of his new home.

Then he’s back in the present, frowning at himself.

He wasn’t going to bring the bond up, just take the aspirin and leave. But then Steve notices him and begins to say something. Tony instantly blocks it out, his mental barriers rising like a reflex, and words just pour out of him.

”Stop reaching out to me.”

Steve turns to look at him, but Tony refuses to meet his gaze.

”Don’t… don’t touch the bond. Don’t use it.”

He hears Steve swallow, and his voice is small when he speaks.

”I… I wasn’t trying to”, he stammers. He’s lying, he has to be. ”I was just thinking about how much you like toast with orange marmalade.”

Tony can’t believe his ears. Did Steve think that he would forget everything just because Steve remembers his favourite fucking jam flavour?

”Stop it. Just stop it, Steve”, he says numbly, unable to even hear himself. ”I don’t want you in my mind. I don’t want to think about you. I don’t want anything to do with you. Just. Stop.”

Tony’s eyes are hard as they finally land on Steve’s. He stares at him for a while, unflinching as the colour vanishes from Steve’s face. When Steve’s lip begins to quiver, Tony turns and walks away before the bond will destroy his resolve.

He orders enough painkillers to not run out for a hundred years and starts drinking.

***

Months go by. Tony’s projects lay around everywhere, untouched, buried under unopened mail, empty liquor bottles, opened blister packs of pills and other shit his life has turned into.

Just now, his drinking has been disturbed by an acute sense of something being wrong. Even more wrong than it has been.

Tony leans against his dresser, nursing a glass of whiskey in his hand. It’s only two pm, but he’s far beyond caring about things like decent times for drinking.

It’s Steve - of course it’s Steve, it’s always fucking Steve. Something’s wrong with him, and the bond is picking at Tony’s nerves like it’s on fire, screaming at him, demanding his body to respond. Tony sips at his drink, his hand shaking.

There’s no forcing the thought away. He tries, but there’s a full alarm inside his head, and he can’t shake the image of Steve, afraid and alone, needing him, his omega, abandoned, how could Tony, how could he, he should go there, he should find him, he –

he throws the glass to the wall and it shatters, the fine crystal raining all over the floor. He turns and pulls the dresser to the floor, roaring in rage, kicks it, stamps it, because he’s the one who’s hurt –

he’s out there, you’re his alpha, he needs you, he might be hurt, protect him –

the dresser is splintering and Tony searches blindly for something else to destroy, finds the door and punches it, makes a dent on it, punches it again, why can’t he forgive, uses his legs, someone’s shouting his name –

The door comes down, and on the other side there’s Steve, crouched, holding the door that has fallen towards him. Tony freezes, stares at Steve who lowers the door to the floor carefully.

Tony was right. When Steve lifts his face he can see that his eyes are red, the tears hardly dried on his cheeks.

”What the fuck is wrong with you?! What is it?!” Tony cries at him, seeing nothing but all of his own failures as he looks at Steve. And then he sees that it’s even worse; he’s managed to make a cut on Steve’s cheek with the door. It’s bleeding. Great. He’s physically hurt his omega. He’s done that in battle before and he still thinks about it every single day. It doesn’t matter that it’s small, or that it will heal in a minute.

”Tony, I –”

”I told you to stay away! Why –” his voice breaks, and he punches his fist to the wall loudly enough to make Steve flinch. ”Why can’t you ever do what I ask?” He knows he sounds miserable. Beaten.

”I missed you”, Steve says, his voice almost as pained as Tony feels. ”Andmoreagain came from the radio and it made me… I couldn’t help it, okay?” he snaps, and it’s easy to tell he’s trying not to cry again.

”And-fucking-moreagain”, Tony says with a bitter laugh, running a hand across his face. It had sort of been their song. It doesn’t matter now.

”Tony.”

He doesn’t answer. Steve sounds like he’s trying to _talk_. They had agreed there would be no talks. But Tony doesn’t have the strength to argue against it, and a part of him wants to keep Steve there for any reason, because for the first time in weeks, the bond is not giving him total hell. It’s still not satisfied, wants for Tony to be closer, to pull Steve into his arms, but it’s also… soothed.

”I think we should consider breaking the bond.”

”What?” Tony’s face shoots up. Is Steve serious? After all he’s put Tony through, now he wants to _leave him_?

”It’s obviously hurting you, Tony. It’s hurting me. And if…” Steve takes a shaky breath, looking away. ”If you can’t forgive me, I think it would be for the best. I don’t want to, but –”

Tony can’t hear him.

”How dare you?” he spits venomously. ” _How dare you?_ ”

Questions are racing through his head. Is there another? Was the ugly part of him right to be jealous of Barnes after all? Or is it just his own incompetence as an alpha? Is it a punishment?

”Tony, you’re in pain, you’re not working, and you are drinking too much –”

”Get out.”

Damn right he is in pain and whose fault is that? Who is Steve to tell him what to do? He’ll drink himself to death if he wants to.

”Tony –”

”GET. OUT.” His voice has gone low enough to be a growl, to be threatening. An alpha talking to an omega in public like that would get arrested very quickly. Tony’s never used that tone with anyone, let alone his own omega – the days of alphas keeping their omegas in order like that were long gone. But he needs for Steve to get out of his sight before he’ll do something much worse than turn into a caveman.

Steve gets the message and leaves silently. The caveman in Tony congratulates him on being able to control his omega for once in his life. Tony sits to the floor with his whiskey and cries in a way he hasn’t since he was a child. 

***

Things look clearer the next morning, after Tony’s let himself cry like a baby, just for himself, after he’s finally got himself up from the floor and slept for fourteen hours. He takes a shower and finds himself wandering around his rooms, collecting the garbage into a plastic bag mechanically, his mind occupied.

Of course it wasn’t about Barnes, or anyone else. For all Steve’s faults, Tony knew Steve wouldn’t do that. In physical sense, of course, he’d have probably smelled it, his omega’s scent tainted like that. Just the thought makes Tony’s teeth grit together.

But in emotional sense, Steve just wouldn’t, and the way Tony knows it for certain makes him think. What they had, it was bright and sometimes it burned like a raging star, uncaring of the damage it would reap in the process. It had always been fierce, in good and bad both, even before things had really gone to shit. But mostly good. They had been good to each other, and then they’d lost it, and the grief is slowly destroying both of them. Tony only has to look around to see the evidence.

He realises he can’t keep hurting them both like this anymore. Bitterly, he understands why Steve has brought up breaking the bond. 

But letting that magnificent, ruthless, beautiful thing between them go? Giving up on the love of his life?

Tony has tried, tried hard to think about it as rationally as possible, in the short time he’s had to think about it. But it just… no. Every cell in his body protests the mere idea. No way in hell.

He cleans all of the mess and sleeps another day. The next evening he makes himself look presentable for the first time in weeks, and goes to Steve.

Tony finds him in their bedroom, and before he has managed to gather up the strength to speak, Steve has sat on the bed, buried his face into his hands and started crying.

It’s not easy to watch. Steve’s whole body is trembling, and he’s pulling breaths like he’s about to hyperventilate. There’s an instinct to rush to him, to go soothe him, but Tony is glued to his place, his mind fighting itself.

”I- I don’t- I don’t want to break- break the bond”, Steve begins to pour out between his sobs. ”I never- I never should’ve said that-”

”Steve. I’m not here because of that. I don’t want to break it either”, Tony pauses him quietly.

And Steve, he just falls like his body has betrayed him. Tony takes a stiff step to catch him, but he’s not nearly fast enough and then there’s a weeping mess on his feet that is his omega. The bond is screeching at him again, and Tony grimaces.

”I’m sorry”, Steve says quickly, hardly audible, his body still shaking. ”I’ll- I’ll calm down.”

And that’s what makes Tony fall to his knees, Steve sensing his distress and trying to calm himself in order to make Tony feel better, to make the bond calm. He shouldn’t be doing that. Not alone.

”It’s okay”, Tony sighs, and he rests a hand on Steve’s shoulder. Emotions storm through him at the contact – disappointment, longing, grief, anger, all in one. ”You can cry.” But one of them is stronger than all of the others, the one the bond between them is meant for, and it feels like coming home. ”We can cry”, Tony adds, tears escaping to his cheeks too, and for the first time in a year, their bond is - silently, exhaustedly, but still - channeling them the word ”love”.

They stay like that for a long time. Eventually Steve’s shoulders stop shaking, his breath starting to even. Tony finally feels like it’s okay to speak.

”It’s not going to be easy, Steve. I’m still angry. You…” he pauses, pushing the anger aside when it threatens to rise its ugly head. It won’t help him. ”… You really hurt me.”

”I know”, Steve says simply, sadly.

”But I guess I hurt you too. And I… I just can’t see a future without you. There’s no… no other way to live, really.”

Steve is silent for a moment, clearly swallowing his tears down. He’s lying on the floor, his hair touching Tony’s knees.

”Tony”, he says then, looking up. ”Can you give me your hand?”

Tony doesn’t hesitate to place his hand on the one Steve has offered, not when Steve looks so broken and just giving him this seems to be everything to him.

”I’ve never been the easiest one, and you know I’ll never be. But I regret causing you so much pain, I regret it every breath I take, and If I could I would do things differently. But I can’t go back in time. If that was possible, I would have left this century the second I woke up in it and would have never met you. I’m not trying to justify what I did, but I keep telling myself that there has to be something good waiting after this too”, he says, breathing out shakily. His fingers squeeze Tony’s hand, and Tony realises he has squeezed back without even thinking.

Steve’s gaze meets Tony’s, his eyes welling again. ”Because I love you more than anything, and I think I forgot just how much, forgot that you are the most important thing in my life. I promise I won’t ever let that happen again, Tony, if you just give me the chance.”

Steve looks so young and vulnerable, lying there on the floor and sounding so honest, and Tony is reminded of the hurricane that had walked into his life in the form of Steve Rogers a couple of years ago. Of the confused and traumatised man from the past, of the omega with a body that was all wrong for his nature, but who was still so proud, so beautiful, ready to take on anyone who’d stand in his way. And behind all that, perhaps the loneliest thing in the whole world.

Tony had found himself wanting to fix that loneliness and ended up getting fixed himself in the process. They always said you shouldn’t wait for someone else to fix you, or try to fix others with your love, but it had happened.

But now they are broken again, and Tony can’t bring himself to say the three words back, the words he’s said so many times before to Steve.

”We’ll fix us”, he says instead, looking away. ”Even if it’s the last thing we do.”

***

Days go by. They start by making an effort to have dinner together every day. Sometimes they talk, but never about them, not about painful things. Sometimes they just sit in silence, and those days are often heavy, leaving Tony a discouraged, anxious mess for the rest of the day. But Steve always sends him feelings of understanding and patience, and it keeps Tony from going back to the bottle or overworking himself numb.

The overall direction of things is positive. Tony starts thinking of Steve again without the anger beginning to boil in his veins immediately, without the hurt burning his insides. He finds his trust rebuilding, catches himself feeling optimistic.

Then one day, when they’re having their joined dinner, Steve says something that turns Tony’s blood cold. It has been one of the less communicative evenings again, and Tony has turned the kitchen TV on to fill up the silence. An ad for a new make-up rolls up.

”… The lipstick contains pheromones that will make your alpha go crazy like it’s your first heat together again. Make yourself the omega you know you are with Omega Bliss’ new…”

”Maybe I should get one”, Steve says dryly, not looking at Tony. He’s pushing the food around his plate apathetically.

Tony freezes, fork in mid-air. They have explicitly avoided the subject of sex, and Tony has been in the understanding that they were doing it because they both knew they still had quite a bit of healing to do before that would be back in the table. But Steve’s voice is unhappy, the hint underneath his joke loud and clear.

Tony puts his fork down slowly, staring at Steve. His nostrils flare, and there’s an ugly part of him, an angry part, that wants to bend Steve over the counter roughly and give him what he wants so mercilessly and uncaringly that Steve will regret ever opening his mouth on the subject.

But of course Tony’s not going to do that. He pushes his chair back, standing up, and Steve looks at him, realising the effect his words have had.

”Tony, I’m sorry”, he says, alarmed. ”I didn’t mean –”

His words are cut by a loud, crashing sound of the TV hitting the floor. Tony didn’t throw it, just flipped it over like he’d heard enough. Steve stares at Tony, disbelief on his face.

”What the fuck, Steve?” Tony asks. He’s not yelling or raging, more like seething expressionlessly. ”Seriously, what the fuck?”

Steve gapes at him, colour creeping up his neck. Tony walks away before they’re at a shouting match.

Later, when he’s cooled off a little, Tony acknowledges that it isn’t exactly wrong of Steve to want closeness. Or sex. They’d been amazing at sex. But Tony also knows he’s not there yet and pressuring really won’t get him there quicker.

And on the other hand, he hates the idea that Steve doesn’t understand, that he doesn’t realise that Tony misses him like hell, all the time, of course he fucking does. Some days, the good days, being around Steve and constantly smelling him is pure torture. It’s not about that and it really offends him to think that Steve would take his unwillingness as a comment on his own attractiveness.

There’s just still too much anger left in Tony, and he doesn’t want to bring any of that with him to their bed. That he won’t allow, he won’t risk the slightest chance of seeing himself hurting Steve ever again. It would rip his heart to pieces.

There's no reassuring telepathy this evening. Tony still shows up for the dinner the next day, and so does Steve. They don’t talk about it.

***

Weeks go by. They go back to normal in a couple of days after the lipstick ad incident, and slowly, their normal begins to get better and better. There are hardly any silent dinners anymore, and sometimes they even cook together, or watch a movie after eating.

There are fights, but they’re controllable, and instead of storming off they begin to sort them out by talking. Steve explains Tony his thoughts, and Tony talks about his feelings, and it’s not always pretty but at the best of times an argument ends with them holding hands comfortingly over the table in hopeful silence.

The issue of sex isn’t brought up again until Steve finds that he must. They’re cooking, and Tony’s chopping onions, fighting the irritated tears that want to push into his eyes, when Steve turns to him from the stove.

”I have to talk to you about something”, he starts. His voice is grave but not too worrying, and Tony just gives him a distracted hum as a cue to go on.

”My heat should start in a couple of weeks, and I was wondering how you want to handle it, if I should get away for it, or…”

The knife in Tony’s hand halts. Heat. They both know that Tony won’t be able to resist if Steve stays in the house. Nature would overrule him. But heat really, really isn’t the circumstance they should start fixing this side of things in. In other words, Steve will have to go away, or they should start getting back to it as soon as possible.

Tony turns around to face Steve, who tries to look back casually, sucking his lower lip and raising his brows like they’ve encountered merely a slightly uncomfortable obstacle. But Tony can feel his nervousness, the fear of being rejected flowing through the seams of the bond.

He considers it. He thinks about kissing Steve, about touching him, about knotting him, and how all of those thoughts make him feel. He searches for the anger, the hurt that would taint it, but doesn’t find it. It’s odd, surprising but unbelievably relieving. Exciting. Tony’s stomach turns expectantly, his brow furrowing as he resumes his work on the onions.

”No”, he says, trying to keep his voice steady. ”Stay here.”

He hears Steve swallow, and Tony knows his answer is cryptic, but his mind is processing through the implications of what he just said himself, and he can’t offer Steve anything more before he’s had time to settle his own heartbeat and thoughts.

They fall back into the cooking. Steve is still nervy when they begin to eat, but slowly they find themselves easing into a conversation about something mundane. Tony allows himself a glass of wine and keeps stealing glances at Steve as they eat.

His omega. Not so proud right now, but beautiful in a different way, with the vulnerable glint in his eyes, the nervous strain in his shoulders. It makes Tony’s chest tight, and as endearing as it is in a way, he wants to see Steve flourish again, see him happy.

When the dinner is over, Steve shifts in his chair restlessly.

”Do you want to watch something?” he asks, meeting Tony’s eyes only quickly before looking away.

Tony doesn’t answer. He gets up and walks to Steve’s side of the kitchen island. He lifts his hand up to push a wild strand from Steve’s forehead, then runs his fingers through his hair. Steve blinks at him, exhaling unevenly.

”We could go to our bedroom. If you want”, Tony says softly.

The slow nod Steve gives him is uncomplicated enough, tense but eager. Tony’s hand falls from Steve’s hair to frame his cheek, and when Steve lifts his fingers to curl them around the hand on his face, Tony notices that they’re shaking slightly. He leans in, pressing his lips to Steve’s.

A choked noise escapes the back of Steve’s throat, and he’s too high-strung to even respond to the kiss properly. He parts his lips but doesn’t move them much, his posture stiff as if his body is about to snap in half any second. It’s like he’s too afraid of ruining it to even move.

It breaks Tony’s heart if he thinks about it too much, so he doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his hand around Steve’s neck, pulling him towards himself possessively. His tongue coaxes its way into Steve’s mouth, and that seems to free Steve from his mental cage. He opens his mouth pliantly, shivering against Tony and soon his tongue is pressing back with growing courage. Tony can’t help but give a little triumphant smile at this against Steve’s lips, and quickly the atmosphere is changing from tense to urgent.

“Alpha”, Steve breathes out as they part, his long eyelashes fluttering as he looks at Tony, eyes bright just like Tony has missed seeing them as.

Hearing the word from between Steve’s lips after so long, too long, sends primal, vicious pleasure down Tony’s spine, and he sighs, his fingers pressing more tightly into Steve’s neck.

”Quite so”, Tony agrees, leaning his forehead against Steve’s. Steve closes his eyes, and his hands roam up to touch Tony’s neck, then frame his face, his fingers ghosting the lines of his beard.

”Tony”, he whispers brokenly. Hearing this, something gets stuck into Tony’s throat, and he breathes out through his nose heavily.

”I know.” He pulls Steve closer until he’s cradling his head. ”I know.”

Steve’s shoulders tremble, and Tony doesn’t have to hear him let out a sob to know that he’s crying, but he does.

It’s a tad disorienting, hearing Steve cry while the scent of his arousal is all around them, but Tony guesses there’s no other way for it to be. He just wants to take Steve to bed and show him that everything’s going to be okay.

He caresses Steve’s neck and spine lightly, and it’s a little odd mixture of unhurried lust and an attempt at soothing him, but it works. Steve presses his lips against Tony’s throat, inhaling so tellingly that it’s clear he’s smelling him, and shudders. Tony aches at the sensation – god, it’s been so long. He buries his hands into Steve’s hair as he feels him begin to kiss his way up.

Steve reaches his jaw and Tony pulls his face backwards to kiss him hungrily, and Steve’s face is wet, and it should feel wrong but everything feels right, their touches following their memories of each other’s bodies.

”Let’s go”, Tony says. Steve is on his feet in a blink of an eye, and it’s a little awkward but Tony doesn’t have time for that. He grabs Steve’s hand and takes the lead, the way to the bedroom too long in the big house, but finally they get there. Tony turns and takes both of Steve’s hands, pulling him towards the bed with him. He doesn’t care that the door is left open, because this is his house and his omega and he should fuck – no, make love to – him anywhere he wants but he hasn’t, and it’s been all _wrong_ , but now he will, oh he will, and Steve is so beautiful in the dim light that Tony can hardly breathe.

But Steve interrupts his perfect plan when they reach the bed, and instead of following Tony to it he falls to his knees in front of him, a familiar display of respect.

”Steve, honey, no”, he says before he can stop himself, pulling at Steve’s hand, because yes, it’s touching and traditional but right now, he just needs to feel Steve’s skin against his, fuck the ceremonies.

The next second he realises how selfish he is being, though, because this is important to Steve and he knows why. In his mind he’ll never be the perfect omega because of the serum, but this has always been a way for him to feel like he’s filling the purpose nature’s given him just like any other omega, to let go for a while. It’s stupid because to Tony Steve _is_ perfect, and he’s said it a thousand times, but Steve is not stupid to want this – Tony is stupid to be in a rush, to make it seem like this part means nothing to him. He doesn’t need it like Steve seems to do, but that’s not the same as it meaning nothing to him. And anyway, it doesn’t matter, because if his omega wants to kneel in front of him for the first time in almost a year, that’s not really much asked from Tony, is it?

He lets Steve’s hand go and hauls his ass back to the edge off the bed.

”I’m sorry”, he says, pressing his lips to the top of Steve’s head. ”Of course.”

”Just…” Steve starts, his voice pleading.

”Shh”, Tony hushes at him reassuringly. He strokes Steve’s hair, firmly, almost like he’d pet a, well, pet, his fingertips brushing the shell of his ear. Steve shivers and bows his head, and Tony looks at him, and all he can think of is that it really is a crime that Steve can’t see himself through his eyes.

”Good”, he tells Steve after a while, and he’s surprised by how low his own voice has become. This should be a calming moment for them, but Steve’s breath has grown shallow and he lifts his eyes to look at Tony in agony.

”You don’t know how much I love you”, he says, and it shatters Tony because his voice is desperate like he actually believes it.

”Don’t”, he answers weakly, grimacing.

Steve’s eyes fall back to the floor with a quiet ”sorry”, and Tony frowns. The emotional roller coaster they’ve been through is on his shoulders, and suddenly it feels like he’s losing Steve again.

He reaches for Steve’s hand, takes it into his, sighs.

”We don’t have to do this now.” It pains him to say it, because he needs this like air, he hasn’t even realised how much. But he doesn’t want to if Steve doesn’t trust him, if he’s not ready after all.

It’s silent for a long time.

”I don’t want to see you angry at me anymore”, Steve says quietly, and Tony’s heart sinks. ”I know you have every right, but I just can’t take it anymore, it’s killing me, Tony –”

Tony shuts him up by pulling him into a tight embrace. Steve is just afraid of the exact same thing he has been.

”Idiot, darling, hush –” Tony mutters against his cheek. ”Why do you think I waited this long? Just to make you suffer? Do you really think I haven’t missed you like a madman, it’s been tearing me apart, Steve –”

Steve is crying again but Tony can’t do anything than to hold him tighter.

”The sole _reason_ was to make sure I wasn’t angry when we do this.”

Steve’s fingers dig into his back helplessly.

”And today, when you told me about the heat, I thought about it, and I’m not. I promise, Steve. I’m not angry anymore.”

He lets Steve cry for a while, before he nuzzles his face against his temple.

”I know it hurts”, he whispers, treading his fingers through Steve’s hair. ”But, baby, you have to work with me, I can’t pull us through this alone.”

”I never meant for you to”, Steve says, not accusingly. He lifts his face and Tony searches his eyes, searches for the light behind all the pain. ”Never. I’m –” Tony can guess that he stops himself from saying that he’s sorry again. ”I’m here.”

Tony wipes the tears from Steve’s face, and when he’s done, Steve gives him a frail smile, catching his hand between his own. He brings it to his mouth and starts planting kisses on it.

”I love you.”

”I love you too”, Tony says, and the words roll off his tongue easily, his chest falling like there should be something even more to say. But there isn’t, not with words. ”Let me show you, Steve.”

Steve nods, and soon Tony is on his back on the bed. Steve climbs on top of him, and the kisses and touches become quickly less and less about apologies and forgiveness and more about love.

When Steve begins to open Tony’s fly, he’s silent and careful like he’s doing something sacred. Tony itches to still his omega’s unsteady hands and take over, but he lets Steve finish the job, stroking his hair as he watches him do it.

Steve’s hand curls around Tony’s erection and Tony growls, frustrated at himself, the animal part of him enraged about the prison it has been held in. He flips them over, then places soothing kisses all over Steve who looks a little startled.

”Sorry”, he mutters, breathless. ”Excited.”

Steve gives a little laugh, and the weepiness is almost gone from his face. His hand begins to move up and down on Tony’s cock, and Tony buries his face into Steve’s neck, hovering over him. It feels so good to have Steve touching him that for a while he can’t even think about reciprocating, only makes low noises at the way Steve remembers how to touch him just right.

It doesn’t seem to matter much, though, because Steve’s eyes are desperate all the same, his breathing turning short just at the sensation of Tony’s warm and ready cock in his hand.

They kiss, both humming into it.

”Tony – alpha – please”, Steve begs in between, and Tony’s body agrees with the urgency in his voice. He moves to open Steve’s trousers, pulling all of the layers off without much finesse, and then shrugs his own shirt off.

Steve still has his shirt on, but Tony can’t spare any thought to that – Steve spreads his legs wide open and Tony doesn’t even hear the possessive sound that escapes him now.

He makes to push his fingers inside of Steve’s leaking hole, but Steve reaches to seize his hand.

”No, just fuck me, I need to feel it, please –”

Tony squeaks at the way he has to stop himself from simply devouring Steve. Because of his healing abilities, every time is physically the first for Steve, and Tony has always preferred to take his time with him.

”I won’t hurt you”, he says, conflicted.

”It won’t hurt, I promise it won’t, I’m so – I’m so wet. I’m ready, Tony, please.”

Tony’s fingers are pressing into Steve’s leg forcefully and Steve’s eyes are shiny again and Tony can’t restrain himself. He pushes his cock past Steve’s rim carefully, locking his eyes with Steve who whines brokenly, quivering all over.

”Yes, yes, yes –”

Steve’s chant dissolves into a moan as Tony leans closer, burying his cock deeper, and there’s a chant in Tony’s head too: mine, mine, mine.

There isn’t a sensation in the world that comes even close to how it feels to enter your omega, willing and slick underneath you, and Tony forces himself to keep his eyes open as he begins to move, watching Steve mewl in frantic pleasure.

”Mine”, he groans, and Steve answers with an ecstatic noise, wrapping his legs around Tony.

”Mine”, Tony repeats, softer now, and tears are falling down Steve’s cheeks. Tony wraps his arms around his shoulders. 

”Mine, my omega, Steve”, he rambles as he nuzzles Steve’s collarbone, then kisses his throat. ”Darling, sweetheart, don’t cry. Don’t cry, baby”, he goes on, caressing Steve’s hair. His own voice is breaking.

”I missed you so much”, Steve whispers between silent sobs and groans, his nails scraping Tony’s back. It’s easy for Tony to feel his pain because he feels the same, his chest aching from longing even though Steve is right there now.

”It’s okay, we’re okay, we’re here now”, Tony tries, but he’s weak from emotion and his throat feels tight.

”Feel so good, baby – never –”

Steve’s jaw trembles against Tony’s temple, and Tony squeezes his arms tighter around him.

”Never again. Never –”

Tony’s voice cracks. He shakes, swallows the tears down. Then he lifts his face up to look at Steve, whose eyes reach to him like he’s drowning. Tony takes his hand, intertwining their fingers and locking them tightly together. He kisses Steve. The bond is pulsing pure bliss.

”I love you”, he assures Steve, who can’t seem to produce an answer. Tony kisses off the tears under his eyes.

”Off, this”, he mumbles gently in between his kisses, pulling the helm of Steve’s shirt up. He wants to feel Steve’s skin against his own, everywhere, feel the body that _belongs_ to him, to his touch.

With their combined effort, Steve’s shirt comes off clumsily, and Tony relishes the sensation of their bare chest’s pressed together. Steve’s skin is burning hot against his, and as Tony picks up the pace, he finds it soon moist with sweat, sticking to his own. Everything clicks into place – Steve keeps producing slick generously, making it easy for Tony’s cock to slide back and forth in him, and they fall into a perfect rhythm, just like they used to.

”I –” Tony starts, breathless. ”I want to be inside of you every day for the rest of my life.”

Steve’s heels press into his back, a strained noise of affirmation leaving him. He reaches up to Tony’s face, pulling him down to kiss him like he needs it to breathe, and Tony gives him everything he’s got, his mouth caressing Steve’s tongue dedicatedly, his hips thrusting in an angle he figures must be good from the sounds Steve makes. It feels like they’re breathing life back into each other.

As they part to get air, Tony pushes himself roughly upwards enough to be able to let his forehead fall on Steve’s. Steve, whose body bends pliantly along Tony’s movement, moans loudly, staring at Tony with wide, submissive eyes.

For a while they just stare at each other, their noses brushing together, sharing a vulnerable wordlessness. Their lower stomach’s are slippery from precum from Steve’s cock that’s pressed between their bodies, and Tony slows down for a bit, concentrating all of his senses on how hot and wet and easy and perfect everything is. They belong together, like this.

”You belong to me”, he words to Steve and feels Steve clench around him in response.

”Yes”, Steve agrees. ”You’re –”

A particularly long and demanding thrust cuts his voice. Tony shows a quick smirk at this. Steve doesn’t smile.

”You’re my _everything_ ”, he says so ardently that Tony almost laughs at its adorableness. Now Steve smiles a little at himself, but his eyes stay candid. His cheeks have a rosy colour on them, his lips a little bit apart as Tony keeps pushing noises out him. ”Tony”, he pleads when Tony gives him another lopsided smile, like he’s afraid that Tony doesn’t understand the depth of his sentiment. 

”I know, honey”, Tony tells him, kissing his jaw. ”You too.”

” _I love you_ ”, Steve goes on, more silently now, holding Tony close to him. It’s like every thrust is making him more and more emotional now, once again, and Tony guesses, rightly so, that he’s probably close. So he pushes himself up to see Steve properly and give him some space.

”I love you too. Touch yourself for me, baby.”

Steve obeys, wrapping his hand around himself. A soft whine leaves him at the contact, and Tony gives him a look of approval.

”That’s it, just like that.”

He reaches down to suck at Steve’s nipple briefly before resuming his position. Steve’s eyes glue to his, his brow knitting from pleasure and his teeth worrying his lower lip. Tony drinks in the sight, sweat soon beginning to form on his temple from the strain of keeping himself up. But the oxytocin and endorphin high is making him too euphoric to notice any discomfort – Steve is everything he sees and feels.

”Oh, god”, Tony mutters, his breathy voice having a slight tremor. ”Fuck, honey.”

The relief of finally being free from the pain, from all of the hurt between them is almost too good. Tony feels drunk as he watches Steve, feels the pressure of his walls around him. Steve’s face is openly desperate, his expression begging him for more until his jaw finally slackens and his moans quickly grow in pitch.

”Tony –”

”Yes, sweetheart, you – you look perfect – god, yeah –”

Tony doesn’t hear his own words as he watches Steve come undone underneath him, back arching and eyes frail and wet again. His omega’s loud moans fill Tony’s ears, his cock throbbing at the sight. It seems to go on and on, and Tony’s completely lost in it until his own release hits him suddenly and he lunges to bite Steve’s neck hard, pounding into him like an animal and whimpering through his own orgasm in just as exposed manner as Steve. Steve’s hands wrap around him and keep him close through it.

As Tony’s consciousness slowly begins to move back to reality, he registers Steve trembling slightly. Without really thinking, he pulls the covers tightly around them. Steve’s not trembling out of cold, of course, but it’s the only thing Tony can think of to do. He hums at Steve, a soothing, primal rumble. His spine jerks occasionally as his knot swells inside Steve, locking them together.

He’s exhausted. The lightness of letting go of all of the weight he’s been carrying is making Tony’s eyelids heavy. He’s not young anymore, but he knows that right now his body would go another round as soon as the knot comes down. But emotionally he’s spent, drained dry. He just wants to fall asleep with his cock buried in the warmth of Steve, their arms around each other. Breathe Steve’s scent into his lungs until sleep takes over.

But there’s no going to sleep until the knot comes down. Seeing as it’s been so long since the last time, Tony knows it will take at least an hour. The wait becomes easily enjoyable as Steve begins to draw circles on his back.

They lay silently, basking in their closeness. Steve ends up massaging Tony’s prostate gently and Tony releases again inside of him at least twice, earning kisses to his forehead from the effort. By the time the knot finally subsides, Tony has turned completely into putty. Steve works him quickly ready again and then rides him slowly for almost two hours. They don’t talk much, just kiss and listen to each others breaths and moans. Neither of them cries anymore.

***

Months go by. When they’d finally begun to get enough from making up for the lost time, Steve’s heat had started and made them bound to the bed for days again. To say that those days had been intense would be an understatement. Something that had started as a lust ridden utterance from Tony before the heat, had turned into a serious conversation and finally manifested into reality during Steve’s heat. That something had definitely added a whole new level to the experience, as if all that they’d been through wouldn’t have been enough to make them hungry and desperate for each other to the point of Tony not eating for two days and Steve not washing for four.

So, they are now on their fifth month. Steve had been opposed to the idea of a child at first, not that much because of the resent events, but because their lives were so dangerous. But Tony had managed to convince him that they were allowed to be selfish for once, and it hadn’t been too hard, because Steve had _wanted_ it. More than anything. As it happens, now he’s getting what he wanted doubly right away and he couldn’t be happier about that. Twins will at least have each other if something were to happen.

Steve still worries constantly, but one look at Tony is usually enough to calm him. He knows the alpha worries too, but stays strong and stable for them, and that gives Steve the strength to push his own fears away. He also knows that Tony will be an amazing parent and knows that he himself will strive to be the best he can to match that. Neither of them really had a happy childhood, and this is their chance for a happy family.

” _Everything_ will be perfect for our children. That’s a promise, Steve”, Tony says one night after they’ve made love.

”Life isn’t perfect”, Steve answers, turning his back to Tony as he tries to find a position comfortable for his growing body. Tony is positively obsessed with the changes, and constantly jokes that they will make more right away come Steve’s next heat.

”But they will be.” Tony presses his body against Steve’s, wrapping his arm around him.

” _They_ ”, Steve mutters dreamily. They’ve known that it’s two boys for three days.

Tony hums. ” _They_ ”, he echoes, snuggling his face against Steve’s neck.

”We will be all right, won’t we, Tony?” Steve says after a moment. It’s more a statement than a question. Tony kisses his hair, his palm pressed over Steve’s stomach protectively.

”I think so, yeah.”


End file.
